Brie's Gift

A Letter to Every Caregiver

By Tracy L. Cruel  ·  Founder of Brie’s Gift

In loving memory of my daughter, Brielle Adrianna Cruel

For me, being a caregiver did not start the day my daughter got sick. It started the day I found out I was carrying my first born.

From the moment we become pregnant, we do everything in our power to keep that baby inside of us safe and protected. What we eat, how we move, what we feel every choice becomes about them. Then they are born, and we shift into overdrive. We check the locks. We check their breathing. We carry them through fevers and fears and first days of school. That is what a mother does. That is what a father does. That is what a caregiver does. We love them with our whole body, mind, and soul.

I think every mom believes, somewhere deep down, that she has a little bit of superpower. Brielle used to tell me I did. She told me I could always make her feel better. And for most of her life, I could.

Then leukemia came.

And for the first time, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I fought, no matter how close I stayed by her side I could not fix it. My superpowers failed. That is how I felt. If I am being honest, that is how I still feel some days. I am working through it, because I believe there is a divine power bigger than me, and I believe everything happens for a reason. One day I hope to know what that reason is.

But here is what I want to say to every caregiver reading this:

I know this journey is hard. Trust me, I understand. The exhaustion you feel in your bones. The fear that wakes you at 3 a.m. The guilt over the smallest thing you wish you had done differently. I know all of it.

Keep going. They need you.

I did everything in my power to make sure Brielle knew she was not a burden. Not to me, not to her family, not to anyone who loved her. We did everything we could to make sure she knew that she was loved. That she was worth every sleepless night, every hospital hallway, every prayer whispered at her bedside.

If you are in the middle of the fight right now, please hear me: your presence is the medicine no one else can give. You don’t have to have superpowers. You just have to stay. You just have to love them out loud, every single day you are given.

That is what caregiving is. Before birth. After diagnosis. And even after goodbye.

Because the truth I’ve learned is this caregiving doesn’t end when they are gone. I am still her mother. I am still her caregiver. I carry her every day: in every family we help through Brie’s Gift, in every care bag we pack, in every name I remember.

Keep going, caregiver. You are not alone on this road.

With love,

Tracy L. Cruel

Mother of Brielle Adrianna Cruel

Founder, Brie’s Gift